The Spaz Bus

Hello from Jeffreys Bay!  Or Jeffreysbaai as I should say.  On Monday, I took an eventful bus trip from Cape Town to Jeffreys, and have been enjoying my last 2 days off before I start my waitressing job  tomorrow.  The trip by car I think would take no longer than 8 hours, and by bus was supposed to take 12 hours max.  Lo and behold, I arrived in J Bay after 14 hours!  I traveled on a Baz Bus, a South African backpackers bus, which is a 22-seater bus that transports backpackers, or anyone who wants really, to various hostels throughout the country.  I decided to take this bus because I'd heard good things about it, and also liked the idea of meeting other foreign young people along the way.  And yes, I definitely did get my money's worth in amusement alone.  Let me describe it for you...

The cast of characters:
-Gavin the bus driver- happy-go-lucky guy with an Afrikaans accent, no teeth on the top, and a full row of shiny teeth on the bottom (dentures?)  Which is weird because he appeared to be in his 40's.  But anyhow, he was sporting a robust beer boep, complete with a tight and slightly holey t-shirt.  Opening line to the passengers: "Hello guys!  I just want to tell you my bus is the LOOOVE bus, because we all talk to each other and make friends!"  He then threw in "I'm a BAD bus driver, not a BAZ bus driver" and then laughed very hard at his own joke. 

-Lars the brooding German- computer programmer dressed only in black.  From Berlin, in SA for 2 weeks by himself on a holiday.

-The Chatty Dutchman- (I didn't catch his name, I was too busy trying not to get trapped into a 2 hour long conversation) who was wearing a sparkly, brown plaid fedora and to go with his thick brown sideburns.  I swear I'm not exaggerating.  Spent the last year in Cape Town studying real estate, is going back to Holland soon.  I didn't know people studied real estate.  It took me most of the day to figure out why his voice sounded so familiar, and then I realized he sounds like Brad Pitt in Troy.  I think.  He talked so much I had plenty of time to mull it over.

-The Beach Blonde Austraaahlian girl- works at a bridal magazine in Australia, is in South Africa visiting her mom and grandma.  Was traveling to Knysna by herself to take a break from her family, who apparently are too slow-paced for her.  Unfortunately was trapped sitting up front with Gavin and the chatty Dutchman, but based on the amount she also talks, she definitely held her own.  Is dating a surfer.

-The gaggle of German girls- very pale-skinned, animated group that chattered away in German for 4 or 5 hours straight, pretty much the entire time they were on the bus.  I unfortunately have no idea what they were talking about or who they were. 

-The gaggle of Austraaahlian girls- in SA for their old flatmate's wedding, decided to see a bit of South Africa afterwards.  The one I was sitting by is an ex-travel agent for musical celebrities, apparently a very exhausting and stressful job.  On their way to Oudtshoorn to see the ostriches.

-Tom Cruise- an American guy who looked and acted a lot like I imagine Tom Cruise would in person.  Short statured, with big muscles (to compensate?) and brown spiky hair.  From Chicago.  Very loud and stereotypically American, but didn't turn out to be that friendly.  By the time the bus picked him up, we were 2 1/2 hours late, so I can understand why.

-Possibly stoned couple- white American gangsta-lookalike guy, with an African girl sporting an afro that stood out at least a foot from her head.  Again, I'm not exaggerating.  Very out of it, fond of leaning against buildings on our gas station stops.

-The not so chatty Dutchman- an 18-year old blonde kid who looked like he was straight out of Orange County, but is actually from Holland.  Smokes.  Is in South Africa for 5 months, like me, visiting family during his gap year after high school.  In his words, he "couldn't take any more school".  I told him I felt the same way.

Lots going on, lots to see, but also took forever.  The beach blonde Austraahlian girl said that we could have made a reality show about the Spaz (um, Baz) Bus, and she's right.  The big drama of the day centered around one particular passenger that we were supposed to pick up in Mossel Bay, but when we got there there was no space for him.  So Gavin, being a gracious and accomodating host, seats the sunburned, barefoot man on the floor in the aisle.  Buut then he calls the "office" to let them know, and once we're 20 minutes away the "office" informs Gavin that he may lose his job, and therefore must drive the extra passenger all the way back to Mossel Bay. So we drive back, to drop the poor soul off again.  The whole time during which Gavin is apologizing profusely and pleading with the passengers not to hate him.  But by this time we're over an hour late. 

And then leaving sunburned man in our dust, 40 minutes later we reach George.  Gavin gets a call that he must now go back and pick up sunburned man AGAIN in Mossel Bay, because the "office" doesn't want to have to pay for him to stay an extra night.  So Gavin left us in George to fend for ourselves, and drove back for a second time.  Thank goodness we didn't have to go along for the ride, or Gavin may have had a mutiny on his hands.  The whole point of a bus trip is to go TOWARDS your destination, not AWAY from it!  But anyway, along with the chatty and not so chatty Dutchmen, the beach blonde Austraaahlian girl, and a few others I went to have dinner at Nandos, a chicken place.  Which ended up working out, because we could all chat.  And also, by then, I was in desperate need of a cup of tea, seeing as I'm an addict now and all. 

Over an hour later, Gavin fiiinallly gets back with sunburned man, and we all load in and we're off!  And then we realize that possibly stoned couple was no longer with us.  They had accidentally gotten back on the wrong bus, the shuttle that was meant for sunburned man.  And we still had their luggage.  Suckaas!  We didn't go back for them, whew.

So now running 2 1/2 hours late, we then passed the rest of the torturous 5 hours or so of the trip listening to Gavin's favorite CD, Lionel Richie love songs.  Terrible, terrible music.  Thank goodness for ipods, is all I can say.  Eventually, at 10:30 pm, I finally made it to Jeffreys Bay, by which time Tom Cruise was so ansy that he kept shouting things like "ready to go?" or "everybody in?" each time we stopped a hostel and things were moving a little slow for his liking.  All in all an entertaining journey, which I will definitely remember for a long, long time. 

So there you have it!  I'm undecided as to whether I want to take the Spaz bus back to Cape Town at the end of my month in Jeffrey's Bay...we'll have to see.